Living in Ukraine: Week 1

Upon request and out of personal need for an outlet, here’s the post about my first week in the Ukraine! It’s weird to think that I’ve been here for only a week. I feel like it’s been so much longer. I’ve learned a lot of things so I guess I’ll let you in on my first impressions of Ukraine:

1. I’ll come out and say it: Ukraine looks ghetto. That’s probably why people complain of not finding very many pictures of Kiev or as they spell it now, Kyiv: nobody wants to post pictures because it looks so ghetto. Most of the buildings (about 50% of them are apartment buildings) are falling apart. A lot of that is probably due to the former Soviet Union. You can still see and hear about the impact that the Soviet Union had/has on the present day Ukraine. Plus, I don’t think “curb appeal” is a word here. I have yet to see a lawn. Or a paved sidewalk for that matter…

2. Ukrainians are crazy drivers. Seriously, I thought I was going to die once I left the airport. Nothing fazed our bus driver: pedestrians, being cut-off, speed limits, crazy turns out of nowhere. Just another day… The streets have painted lines but they’re more of a guideline than a rule. They just kind of tell people, “This is how many lanes there are supposed to be.” Ukrainians like to create and take away lanes as needed which creates some very interesting situations, especially during rush-hour traffic.

3. Ukrainians like to feed you. A lot. Many of the teachers and I have found out that starving isn’t an option because somehow Ukrainians manage to feed you twice as much as you probably should have eaten. Meals usually include multiple dishes at your place of sitting and copious amounts of bread, meat and potatoes. I’m glad I like potatoes because I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so many potatoes in one week before. Same goes for tea. I never drank tea at home and I’m sure making up for it now. My host mom makes me my own pot of fruit tea in the morning for breakfast and at night for tea time (some teas are allowed in the Mormon religion and thanks to my brother who is a former missionary to Eastern Europe, I know which ones are okay to drink. Thanks, bro!).  

4. I think the most important thing I’ve learned about Ukrainians in my first week was this: Ukrainians are people just like me. Before I came to Ukraine I was so concerned with what they would be like. For some reason because they spoke a different language it automatically made them a different person than me. NOT TRUE. Having gotten to know my host family this past week has shown me that these people care about a lot of things and have normal human problems like the rest of us: they get mad when the bus is late. They think Spongebob Squarepants is hilarious. They fall in love. They tell jokes similar to my humor. Their kids throw tantrums in the super market. They want the best for the future and worry about changing things now. Sure there are things I will never understand, like why their toilets have to be shaped differently than American toilets and why smiling is such a bad thing. But these are people like me and I think I can relate better to my students because I know that.

So here’s to my first week in Ukraine. Tune in next week to hear about my first week of teaching. ;)

Pre-Departure: Starts With Goodbye

I hate packing. I really do. Maybe it's the fact that everything that had a place in my room has to find a place in my suitcase. It's like picking favorites... Maybe the reason I don't like packing is because I'm lazy. Hey, it happens. Maybe I hate packing because I just don't know what to pack. I will confess right now, I love being prepared for any situation which usually means that I pack a lot of stuff (Sorry, future husband....). So deciding what is important to bring to the country that you're going to live in for the next four months while having no idea what to expect is hard. I have no clue what I'm getting into which doesn't help my decision making processes any more. All I hear is it's cold so hopefully the billion sweaters I put in my bag will come in handy. That's probably why my bag is so heavy now that I think about it....

It's very weird to think that in a little more than 12 hours I will be on a plane heading to Chicago and then Dusseldorf and then Kiev. I have flown many a time in my life but never out of the country. I'm new to this whole jet-lag concept and I may not like it once I meet it. That's another thing quite a few people have told me: expect that you won't remember the first couple days because you will be so trashed from jet-lag. And then they tell me expect to be an emotion wreck. Watch out Europe: an emotional jet-lagged monster approaches.

The next bed I probably sleep in will be my Ukrainian bed because let's face it, I'm definitely not sleeping tonight. This could end up being a good thing though because I really don't think I want to be awake for the eight hour plane ride across the Atlantic Ocean. Boredom. However, that gives me the opportunity to watch the hours pass by tonight. Even more fun. I have been blessed my whole life to sleep in places where I have felt safe for the most part (the Riv is probably the only exception to that rule). Who knows what they sleep in in Ukraine?? Caves? Coffins? Body bags? I have to keep reminding myself that Ukrainians are people like me, not aliens. They have feelings and do normal human things. I think. ...We'll see about that one.

I'm scared in a way. Instead of looking forward to the first day of the new semester tomorrow, I'm looking forward to traveling thousands of miles by myself to a country who's language I don't even speak. I miss my friends. I miss BYU. I miss my brother, my sister-in-law and the cutest nephew on the face of the earth. I'm scared to leave the safety and familiarity of the United States of America. As I told a friend earlier today, "I'm not scared of the experience but rather the first step off the plane." I'm scared to face the unfamiliar. 

I've been told this is what a mission feels like without that whole "weight of people's souls" of my shoulders. Instead I have a couple dozen children expecting to learn English from me. I don't know which one scares me more: People's souls or teaching dozens of sunbeams? 

One thing is a comfort though: I will not be alone. I will be teaching with a couple other teachers so chances are someone will understand what I'm going through. The branch president of the international branch for the LDS church has even  contacted me to let me know they're excited to see us when we get there. I'm planning to adopt them as my family, just saying. 

The most comfort of all though is the knowledge that I have of a loving Savior who understands Afton Jensen to a"T". I have only just learned of the magnitude of love that he has for me and how acutely aware he is of my needs. I know he is there for me and it is through his strength that I'll be alright. I know that through my faith in him, I have nothing to fear. I know he will be there to give me comfort and strength when my lessons don't go right, or I can't ask the store clerk where the yogurt is or I get lost in a train station and everyone looks at me like I'm crazy. Things are bound to go wrong, it's a fact of life. But through the Atonement nothing will be permanently wrong.  

I am blessed. I am blessed to be going on this amazing experience. I am blessed with parents and family who support me. I am blessed with amazing friends who have my back. I never thought I'd be here but I'm really glad I am. I'm grateful for this amazing opportunity to grow and learn about myself and others. I know I will not be the same person when I get back.

So peace out USA! I'll see you in four months!

Cada Dia

When I woke up Saturday morning, I decided to attend a baptism. I didn't know who the heck the guy was but I was going. At 4:50pm I took my seat near the front of the room and waited for the service to begin. People filed in and shortly after a guy stood up and said, " Just so you know, this service is going to be entirely in Spanish. So find a  return missionary to sit by if you don't understand Spanish." There was no way of bailing now, especially when you sit in the front of the room. I figured I took three years of California Spanish (6 years ago....) soooo I should be able to get something out of this.

About half way through, my brain was straining. Laugh when people laugh, look interested and pretend that you understand exactly what  they're saying, is what I told myself. I was mediocre at Spanish as it was but the guy speaking spoke European Spanish and if you're not used to it, you get thrown for a loop (think New York accent with a lisp). I understood the gist of what was going on because hey, I'd been attending baptisms my whole life. But I was struggling to find what I needed to learn from something I couldn't understand 100% of the time. 

The service was almost over and I was trying so hard to see if miraculously I could have the gift of tongues bestowed upon me. The Elders Quorum President got up to speak. Laugh, look interested. But as he spoke I noticed that he kept using a phrase over and over again: cada dia. For a second my three years of Spanish kicked in. "I know that one! Huzzah!" And then my mind started to think about it a little more. What would I tell a newly baptized member of the church, especially in the sense of "every day"?

And then I started to think about my baptismal covenants. When we take the sacrament every week, we promise to remember our Savior and act as he would act. In return, we are given the Spirit as our companion every day long as we seek him. As members of the church, we are entitled to the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost as long as we keep the covenants we made at baptism. The Spirit is not just a thing to feel on Sunday but a companion to us as we try to become better and seek God's will.

I also started to think about the need to talk to God every day. This past week I came to the realization that my relationship with my Heavenly Father was greatly diminished mostly due to the lack of constant communication with Him. It was heart breaking to realize that the choices I had made drew me away from my Father. My Heavenly Father loves me and I purposefully chose not to spend the daily necessary time building my relationship with Him. What a terrible daughter I am. But going to the baptism made me realize that I can change those things now. I can change that very minute. I have been baptized and because of that, I can change my life and have the companionship of the Holy Ghost once again. I can rebuild and repair my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  

Every day we face challenges, most of the time ones of our own doing. This past week showed me that I can't just go through life thinking only about God on Sundays when I'm taking the sacrament. Our membership in the Gospel goes further than that. It is an everyday commitment. It is commitment that if kept benefits us. Is it hard? Yes but it is entirely worth it. It is worth giving up temporary happiness for happiness that lasts. 

I will never forget the phrase Cada Dia. It is a reminder that to me to become better every day. Happiness is not a one-day workshop. It is a life long pursuit. As my mom once said, "Living the Gospel is like shaving your legs: no matter how good you do it one day, you'll have to do it just as good the next day." By living each day a little better than the last, we can truly be happy. By arranging our lives to fit Heavenly Father's will for us, the things that matter will work out and happiness will be ours. President Ezra Taft Benson said, "When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." The happy and worthwhile things will always remain. I know this to be true and I know that Heavenly Father sees what is to come in our lives and as long as we seek His will and guidance, we will lead us to avenues of true happiness. He will require things that are not always easy but in the end, they are always worth it.

The World Spins Madly On

"In the world, ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer;

I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

Yes, I know that the title of this post is the name of a song by the Weepies. Makes sense because the title of my blog was based off of my iPod. The title of this post will make a lot more sense once you read the whole schpeel (however you spell that word).

This song makes me think of McKay Hansen. Not in a creepy way (don't worry, Whit) but the day McKay left for his mission was the day it dawned on me that life was moving on, whether I wanted it to or not. My guy friends were gone (pretty much the end of the world for me). I've thought a lot about this song in the not too distant past and I have come to the conclusion that the world in fact keeps going whether you are or not.

It's like when you're sitting in class listening to the professor lecture. Whether you're paying attention or not, he or she is going to keep talking. If you, like me, happen to space out for a grand total of thirty seconds, the last thing you heard was how there are saturated fats in animal meat and you're now trying to figure out how got on the subject of peanut butter (true story, by the way). Whether you're paying attention or not, the lecture will continue and if you aren't paying attention, you're going to be lost. (I did eventually figure out how we got on the subject of peanut butter but that is another story for another time.)

I feel like this has been my life as of recently. There have been moments where I understand exactly what's happening and where life is taking me. And then there are the times when I let my focus shift, just for a second, and I'm lost and left fumbling to try and figure out what the heck just happened. There have been many times in which I wish I could just take a moment to freeze time, evaluate all possible angles and consequences, make a well thought out decision, unfreeze time and then continue on my merry way. I would like to meet the person who figures out how to do that. Life will not wait for you. But that doesn't mean you have to take crazy experience all by your lonesome.

If there is anything I have learned from all of these crazy experiences it is that you can never go wrong when God is on your side. Yes, there will be trials and there will be times when you want to throw in the towel and head back home to live as a hermit for the rest of your life. But that won't cut it. Why settle for that when you can become something better? I'm learning that you won't see the blessings right away and you won't understand why things are happening right now. I still wonder why I deal with life altering illnesses and boys that no matter how hard you try to read them, you just won't understand. But there is a reason. That is my mantra: there is a reason. I may not know that reason for a month or a couple years or maybe even until I die but I trust that God would not put me through something if it wasn't what could help me grow most as a person. Job must have been one interesting guy....

Yes, according to strange laws of physics, the world will continue to spin madly on. But that doesn't mean I have to go mad in the process. :)

Dove Chocolate Wrappers

I have never been more excited to get chocolate wrappers in my life than I was this past Tuesday. Here's a little peek into the relationship that Spencer and I have: instead of sending each other gooey love notes or stuffed animals or other piddly stuff, we send each other Dove Chocolate wrappers. Not the chocolates, just the wrappers. Laugh all you want; I don't care. I think it's rather funny myself. I don't know what's funnier, though: that he sent them to me or that he ate that many, kept the wrappers and then sent them to me. My roommates think I'm really weird that I got excited to get Dove Chocolate wrappers but who cares? Do any of your friends send you chocolate wrappers? I don't think so.

What's also great about these is that they have the cheesiest one liners EVER. To name a few:

"Curl up and take a catnap."

"It's not only okay to different, it's fantastic!"

"Give a little love today."

"Be the first to hit the dance floor."

"Smile when you want to, cry when you need to, laugh whenever possible."

Okay, so who writes these and how much do they get paid because I want in. I could fill a book with a million of these and send them to Dove and be rich. The other great thing about these quotes is that they're called "Promise Messages". I think the person who writes the scripts for the Hallmark movies also writes the "Promise Messages" for Dove. I'm pretty sure Spencer sent these to me just to make me laugh. And they did make me laugh. A lot.

I think the best reaction I got however was from my roommate. I pulled them out and was unfolding them when she walked in and said, "Dang boy, send us the chocolate next time."

Reflection Time!

It's a new year! Hooray. That's been kind of the schtick. I don't know what to make of the new year. Should I be happy? I am. But not because it's a new year. These past few months, even weeks, have been life altering. I look at the person I was four months ago, even two months ago, and I've seen where I've come since then.

First, I have grown intellectually. I think that is pretty much a given when you go to college. You'd have to spend twice the effort to not learn something which, all in all, would be a waste of time and money. Part of me feels like I haven't learned much but then I get into these situations where I'm just spouting off information like there's no tomorrow. I can sit down with you now and talk about the deeply rooted philosophies surrounding the founding of this country and constitution. I can talk to you about how a child develops and the stages of death. But these things aren't everyday topics. I just happen to stumble upon them every once and a while.

Secondly, the way I interact with people has grown. I feel like I've entered that realm where I talk to older people on more of a planar level. When I was in high school (six months ago?!?) I felt like there was this huge thick wall that divided me from older people. They were older and therefore had to be looked up to. But now I feel as though the only thing that separates me from them is a nice garden fence. They are now my friends and the people who I could carry on conversations with for a while. I also feel like the way I interact with my friends has grown. It's not a stupid, superficial relationship anymore. These are actual people who can be intelligent and can be rational about things. That is definitely something I do not miss about high school.

Thirdly, I have grown emotionally. Spencer Meredith is one of the best things that has ever happen to me. And I mean that seriously. If you ever want to mature fast, get into a relationship. Before Spencer, I had never really felt what it was like to care for someone. I care about my family and would do anything for them but they're my family. It's a given. I love my friends and would do anything for them. But they're my friends and they already mean as much as my family to me. Spencer really made me care for someone outside of myself in a way I never thought I would. There was just something about this relationship that was so different than all the rest. Perhaps it was the time, effort and emotion put into it. But mostly I think it was the potential that it had and still has. I seriously can't believe sometimes the depth of our relationship. Neither of us was looking for it. Neither of us was trying to develop it. It just kind of happened on it's own. And now that Spencer is on his mission (Ft Lauderdale, Florida Hatian-Creole speaking) I really hope it's there when he gets back. He's a great guy and I miss him terribly. (And for those of you wondering, I did "break up" with him. We thought it would be best if he went into the field without a girlfriend and he didn't think it was fair to make me wait for him. It hurt terribly to end a good thing but we're both hoping and praying that we'll get a second chance after his mission. :) )

Fourthly, I have grown spiritually. I love attending a church school. I love being able to walk around campus and see 30,000 other people dressed like me. I haven't looked at anyone in a long time and thought "Skank." I love going to class and starting with a prayer or an opening song. It is so much easier to concentrate on school when your mind isn't constantly filled with vulgar words or unclean thoughts. I love being about to throw out words like "ward" "elders quorum" and "temple recommend" and people know exactly what I'm talking about. I love attending BYU. I have been blessed with the best roommates and Family Home Evening Brothers. They are some of the best people I've ever known and I feel extremely blessed to know them. Through my experiences this past semester, I have seen my testimony grow in ways that it wouldn't have grown at any other place. My gratitude for my parents has sky rocketed. I really appreciate everything they have done for me and everything they have taught me. My faith in my Father in Heaven has grown. There are so many things I owe to Him and He never lets me down. It's not always easy to do what He asks but there is always a reason and always love behind His motives.

This semester has not been easy. There are things that I need to correct for this semester (specifically staying out until two in the morning....) and they are being corrected. Heavenly Father has allowed me to grow and make mistakes and experience things that I needed to experience. And to be honest I couldn't ask for anything more. :)

So with this new year, I welcome a new semester to learn, grow, make new friends, keep some old ones and move forward with my life.

Home Sweet California

California. It has been my home for the past 18 and (almost) a half years. As I sat up and looked out the car window, I saw the golden hills, the blue-grey of the delta as the sun rose and the frigid marine layer creeping in only to be caught in the mid day sun. I was leaving my California for a new home. I must admit that this past week has been weird with packing up and what not. Plus I, since Saturday, started sleeping (ha! an alliteration) in the guest room of my house in order to pack up the rest of my stuff. Nothing is more humbling than being a guest in your own house. Then I realized this is how it’s going to be from now on. I’m only going to be coming back to California to visit. I won’t say never, but there is a really good chance that I may never live in California again. There will definitely be things about California that I won’t miss. For example: all the pot. And profanity. Thankfully, BYU has elevated(I was originally going to put “high” instead of elevated but I changed it for reasons you might guess.) standards for its students to live by. Goodbye, pot and profanity. However, I will definitely miss all the people who made California my home. I hung out with some of my friends Tuesday night and it was really hard to say goodbye to them. I didn’t want to say goodbye. Then, when I got back to my house and started thinking about everything, a thought entered my mind, “Am I doing the right thing? Is BYU where I’m really suppose to be?” That was followed up by the thought, “Well it’s too late now. You’re tuition and housing are paid and everything is packed and your roommates are counting on you, dummy.” It was scary to sit there and really wonder if I was really doing the right thing. I said a little prayer in my heart right there saying, “Heavenly Father, I’m scared. Help me please.” Then I pulled out my scriptures and started reading in the 58^th Chapter of Alma. Up to this point Heleman was recounting the war that he has fought in the past few years. He lost a lot of men and there were very few of them left. He writes, “Therefore we did pour out our souls in prayer to God that he would strengthen us and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, yea and also give us strength… Yea and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls and did grant unto us great faith… And we did take courage with our small force… and we were fixed in our minds with a determined resolution to conquer our enemies.” This was me. I was a small force against a big enemy: doubt. I felt like I was at the door to the rest of the world and it seemed insurmountable. How was little ol’ Afton going to survive life, if even the first semester? But Heleman taught me to have faith that God would deliver me from my enemies. And He will if I trust Him. So as I start this new chapter of my life I’m taking the Nephite approach. I am fixed in my mind with a determined resolution to succeed.