I hate packing. I really do. Maybe it's the fact that everything that had a place in my room has to find a place in my suitcase. It's like picking favorites... Maybe the reason I don't like packing is because I'm lazy. Hey, it happens. Maybe I hate packing because I just don't know what to pack. I will confess right now, I love being prepared for any situation which usually means that I pack a lot of stuff (Sorry, future husband....). So deciding what is important to bring to the country that you're going to live in for the next four months while having no idea what to expect is hard. I have no clue what I'm getting into which doesn't help my decision making processes any more. All I hear is it's cold so hopefully the billion sweaters I put in my bag will come in handy. That's probably why my bag is so heavy now that I think about it....
It's very weird to think that in a little more than 12 hours I will be on a plane heading to Chicago and then Dusseldorf and then Kiev. I have flown many a time in my life but never out of the country. I'm new to this whole jet-lag concept and I may not like it once I meet it. That's another thing quite a few people have told me: expect that you won't remember the first couple days because you will be so trashed from jet-lag. And then they tell me expect to be an emotion wreck. Watch out Europe: an emotional jet-lagged monster approaches.
The next bed I probably sleep in will be my Ukrainian bed because let's face it, I'm definitely not sleeping tonight. This could end up being a good thing though because I really don't think I want to be awake for the eight hour plane ride across the Atlantic Ocean. Boredom. However, that gives me the opportunity to watch the hours pass by tonight. Even more fun. I have been blessed my whole life to sleep in places where I have felt safe for the most part (the Riv is probably the only exception to that rule). Who knows what they sleep in in Ukraine?? Caves? Coffins? Body bags? I have to keep reminding myself that Ukrainians are people like me, not aliens. They have feelings and do normal human things. I think. ...We'll see about that one.
I'm scared in a way. Instead of looking forward to the first day of the new semester tomorrow, I'm looking forward to traveling thousands of miles by myself to a country who's language I don't even speak. I miss my friends. I miss BYU. I miss my brother, my sister-in-law and the cutest nephew on the face of the earth. I'm scared to leave the safety and familiarity of the United States of America. As I told a friend earlier today, "I'm not scared of the experience but rather the first step off the plane." I'm scared to face the unfamiliar.
I've been told this is what a mission feels like without that whole "weight of people's souls" of my shoulders. Instead I have a couple dozen children expecting to learn English from me. I don't know which one scares me more: People's souls or teaching dozens of sunbeams?
One thing is a comfort though: I will not be alone. I will be teaching with a couple other teachers so chances are someone will understand what I'm going through. The branch president of the international branch for the LDS church has even contacted me to let me know they're excited to see us when we get there. I'm planning to adopt them as my family, just saying.
The most comfort of all though is the knowledge that I have of a loving Savior who understands Afton Jensen to a"T". I have only just learned of the magnitude of love that he has for me and how acutely aware he is of my needs. I know he is there for me and it is through his strength that I'll be alright. I know that through my faith in him, I have nothing to fear. I know he will be there to give me comfort and strength when my lessons don't go right, or I can't ask the store clerk where the yogurt is or I get lost in a train station and everyone looks at me like I'm crazy. Things are bound to go wrong, it's a fact of life. But through the Atonement nothing will be permanently wrong.
I am blessed. I am blessed to be going on this amazing experience. I am blessed with parents and family who support me. I am blessed with amazing friends who have my back. I never thought I'd be here but I'm really glad I am. I'm grateful for this amazing opportunity to grow and learn about myself and others. I know I will not be the same person when I get back.
So peace out USA! I'll see you in four months!
